a modest proposal

Instead of banning a word that no one is allowed to use anyway except black people and Quentin Tarantino, why doesn’t New York do something useful and necessary like banning Ann Coulter? True, she probably wouldn’t set foot in our slanderous, treasonous, godless city, but in case she were tempted to have a meeting with her publisher or a wax and yet another micro-mini, I would love to have it on record that should she cross city limits, should the sun set on her presence in this sane corner of America, we will boil her in oil and feed her to the homeless.

What’s that you say? My rhetoric makes me almost as bad as she is? Oh, my friends, if only that were true. Ann Coulter drinks of the fire of Mordor the way you or I might enjoy a lemonade. Her skin is synthetic, pieced together by sweatshop third-world labor, and her soul is made of the ash of Rome on which Nero fiddled. Nothing I could do could put me on the level of Ann Coulter. Seriously? She called John Edwards a “faggot.” Seriously.

It’s time for action. Big Apple! I call to you. AC is at least as harmful to my heart as trans fats, at least as toxic to my lungs as cigarette smoke. Let’s start a nationwide trend, making it clear we have no room for such horror in our city.

7 thoughts on “a modest proposal”

  1. I know you are just being breezy and informal here, but something does not sound right about the phrase “no one … except black people.”

    (I’m not saying this ban is useful or necessary, though.)

  2. Right, I can see that. My point, though, was that it’s no longer at all acceptable for anyone to use the word as an anti-black slur. People condemned Michael Richards after his rant, rightly, and I understand banning the n-word in comedy clubs. But it seems strange to ban the use of a slur within a community after it’s been reclaimed. How can you legislate what people say about themselves?

  3. that was a useless comment.

    ps- she came to our school and there were police on hand to protect her from all the faggots.
    I didnt go so obviously she wasnt in all that much danger…
    she looks like a transexual! have you seen her adams apple!!!! look for it, its there.
    she has a penis i know it.

  4. I agree with you, E, about the n-word. More importantly, I second the motion to ban Ann Coulter from the city. But instead of boiling her in oil, let’s chain her to the front door of Zabar’s and let the clientele, like vultures, peck at her liver.

  5. I still maintain my long-held theory that Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly et al all started out as Andy Kaufman-wannabes who, when they realized that no one was getting the ‘joke’ (lame as it was), decided to play their parts ‘straight’ and milk it fer whatever they could…

  6. 1. andrew: i had that theory floated to me today. seriously, if this sort of talk is ever compared to, say, wrestling with women, i will be right displeased.

    2. ester: DRINKS FROM FIRES OF MORDOR!!! crying with laughter over here on left coast.

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