All posts by ester

shannon, my partner for this dk pol danish film paper, wrote up 6 pages and left for an indie-music fest in scotland last week, entrusting a bag of books she thought i’d find helpful for my half with the dis front desk. i finally got a chance (dis having been closed friday-sunday) to pick them up, along with a half-full jar of peanut butter and a note (“don’t ask about the peanut butter.”) my heart sank: six paperbacks and a solid oak’s worth of xerox pages. would she expect me to use it all?

the first of the books i pulled out, richard kelly’s the name of this book is dogme 95, has the four dogme Brothers with their fists solemnly raised on the cover. i began to read, pencil in hand; and two hours later, i’ve finished the damn thing. little clusters of my hair surround my feet and my head fizzes the way it does whenever i’ve spent two hours absently yanking out curls. it’s an unfortunate habit, as is getting so sucked into words that i lose sense of the proper goal. i should have skimmed, like a professional, dammittohell. but, just like white teeth this morning, it was so good … i am my father’s child. and i am hopeless.

oh, and is “doing it dogme-style” too racy a title?

good luck: striding up to the soda machine, wallet in hand, only to unzip the little coin pocket and find one 10 kr. coin, not brassy enough to overwhelm its being entirely alone. diet coke costs 12 kr. no friends in the immediate vicinity; no bills in the larger pocket of the wallet. glancing around for a solution, immediately noticing thumbprint-sized silver on the carpet beneath the couch. striking over, picking it up, striding back to the soda machine, feeding it, and noting with satisfaction the digital red response: a perfect 12 kr.

bad luck: bus breaking down five minutes into the ride. bus driver shrugging and offering advice in danish. walking out into cold dark rain, finding there’s at least ten minutes to wait (and no cover) til the next bus.

but as bad luck goes, that’s really nothing. i had no time pressure and a wool coat and working legs. i glanced over my shoulder from five steps past the busstop where i usually deboard, and noted with satisfaction the bus i could have waited for chugging up the street.

this morning, entranced by zadie smith, digestive biscuits, and sunshine, i overstayed my welcome in my corner-chair. when i glanced up, i realized it was 12:05 and too late to make it to a 12:15 class. as an oft-quoted old pervert once said, there are no accidents, so shrugging i got dressed and packed my bag without hurrying and am now using the time i should be spending in my favorite class to frivol, which i won’t get a chance to do later as i dedicate the afternoon/evening to finishing my dk pol paper on danish film.

the distance between here and my mid-atlantic america homes seems particularly gaping now that i have hugs i have a physical need to give: to lana, fighting a lonely battle at umd; to sarahrose, standing up for herself at swat (such things aren’t easy anyplace.); and to my friend nomi, who doesn’t read this site but who sent me a brief, startling email this morning that made me smile.

how is one supposed to do work in a library? books everywhere! allsortsa fun books, like, for example, the one that leapt off of the shelf and into my arms: white teeth (i don’t have white teeth. i was looking in the mirror in the bathroom, which you should never do, and commenting disconsolately to myself that my teeth are not white and my skin is not good. my hair’s kinda frizzy at the moment too if it comes to that. how is it possible i have friends?) by zadie smith. sez the back of the novel, this is her debut. astonishing. i’m 30 pages in.

i’ve also been derailed by cyrus. he’s fixated on the middle east despite having never been there or knowing anyone in the vicinity. whenever the subject comes up in a class, you can count on either him or me or both raising our hands. we’re happ’ly met in the middle, more or less; he’s slightly more to one side and i to the other. but we have good conversations because we agree on the basic principles, such as: both sides have a right to exist; media is unreliable and extreme; and the subject is complex. there is no Right Answer.

but white teeth — mm. and smilla’s feeling for snow, which i started last nite. i find it amusing when people say they read when they have time. what priorities! a paper is only a paper: you’ll rarely remember it once it’s handed in. but a novel is fruit and cake.

i just enjoyed an exquisite pear which was a cap-off to an exquisite bagel picnic-lunch enjoyed with miss kriss under the hide-and-seek sunshine and occasional drop of rain on her hockey blanket in the park by the dfi whose library, unfortunately, was closed, leaving us to take solace in our food, debating whether to throw �re at people and reminiscing all-time-favorite meals, and then wind back to dis where i will now — no really, i’m serious, this time i mean it — begin working on my dk pol paper. but oh my that pear was good.

what’s that polkadot of light on the horizon? could that be — maybe? — is it? — hope? one of the ten emails i’ve sent out over the past couple weeks has yieled a tentatively-positive possible result: at the very least, a telephone interview. this time i’m going to prepare for it, dammit. i will be the most elegant, eloquent, confident candidate they ever spoke to in copenhagen. oh yeah baby. wish me luck.

the falafel i obtained yesterday ended up being one of the best i’ve had here, and that signaled a change of luck. anne called, invited me chez elle for dinner with her host family. i read 150 pages of njal’s saga first, which i have to get done by tuesday. it’s a terrfic, gory read, full of vendettas and fueds and wisdom, with some religion and sex thrown into the mix. hey, it passes the ms. test. my only worry, as i told anne later when she met me at alburtsland, was that all this masculinity might be warping me. roots, godfather, and viking sagas all have very specific ideas about what “men” are and should do; ideas that i think i might need a gender studies class, if not a heated lecture from (swat)becca, to get out of my mind.

anne’s host-mother surprised me by suggesting, as soon as i offered her the marzipan cake i’d brought, that we partake right away. so, in a pleasant inversion, we started with tea and dessert. i met anne’s three host-brothers, all high-pitched, light-haired, and under the age of ten. warm veggie food, danish cartoons and improv comedy, get shorty, and fresh baked rolls this morning. i’m now prepped and ready to make a dent in the two papers i have due this week.

hmm, trying to shake off malaise even though it’s a malaise-y quality day. i expected to sleep in after my late night romp with the corleones’ and wheather (will+heather. there’s no point in being clever if no one gets it.) but the phone startled me awake this morning at 8. “hello?” “hi.” “hi! oh, hi! — is anything wrong?”

i seem to have inherited my mother’s cautionary instincts. luckily no, nothing was wrong w/ the young gentleman, or at least nothing out of the ordinary. as i’ve lamented at length before, i dislike telephone conversations. i adore emails, i love letters, IM rockz my world!!!, but phones, no, not so much. ah well. we talked for an hour or so and i’ve been ambling around pointlessly since. read some dorothy parker, took a shower, am now contemplating lunch. yawn. lots of people are out of town, this being a three-day weekend. i should work. maybe once i venture into the gray uninviting yonder for some falafel, i’ll get to it.

sometimes you gotta take a stand:

as a follow-up to my criminal justice class’ guided tour through christiania, today we conducted a civilized debate about drugs. teacher jeanne split us into two, assigning each half the position of defending either the legalization of hard and/or soft drugs, or keeping the laws the way they are. i remember my father driving me somewhere in new mexico once, i couldn’t have been more than ten, while he lectured me at length on why drugs should be legalized. i’d never thought about it before and at first i found it astonishing that my father the attorney, who made a point of encouraging me to put money in meters even when there is no chance of getting caught, should advocate decriminalizing what nancy reagan on tv had drilled into my head was so wrong.

the more i listened, the more i agreed. that was the pattern of my childhood: my father, often my brother, and sometimes my brother’s friend josh who sat with us in the back of the bus, could convince me of nearly anything. but the lecture came back to me as we listed reasons to legalize drugs. consider the potential tax revenue as well as the money the government would save not having to enforce drug laws or maintain the disproportionately-black one-third of prison population. consider that those who out of boredom or frustration seek escape will always find a way. consider that the world sanctions substances equally addictive, dehabilitating, and/or lethal. i advocated legalizing it all, to which people laughed and looked at me curiously. i shrugged: let them find another way to break the law.

moving right along: in my next class, we watched night and fog, the 1955 french documentary about the holocaust with a focus not on nazis vs. jews but human beings in all their various roles. even having seen it all before, i was brushing away tears like flies. after relevantly briefing us on other genocides — slavery in america, rwanda, cambodia, stalin’s russia, turkey-armenia, WWII japan in china — teacher margaret urged us into a discussion of the comparability or uniqueness of the holocaust. the class generally agreed that there’s no point trying to give more credence to one monstrosity or another.

i mentioned something that had come up on sarah k.’s site, the question of whether “a war criminal is a war criminal,” and the prevalence of nazi jargon in popular protests. in my opinion, it’s a sloppy, weak use of a lanuage, just as much as a cliche is. it elicits a knee-jerk reaction but over time that will diminish until people are as numb to it as they are to everything else.

for the rest of today, i will sit peacefully, watch the godfather at dfi, and agree with everything anyone says.

i don’t know what is about this season that brings out the explicit in people. yesterday it started with anne proclaiming her suspicion of a urethra conspiracy. they’ve been telling us it’s in the wrong place all these years, she said, eyes narrow. krissy and i exchanged glances. but — why? a plot contrived by the textbook-illustrators? for what conceivable purpose?

we brainstormed as we walked, anne being encased in one of those moods that requires six beers to jammerhammer through. krissy and andrea had come over for dinner, at which point instead of using my produce to fill burritos we used it to fill a trashbag. vegetables are never good in this country; extra special bonus, within a week they’re carpeted in soft white mold. mold brings out the girl in me: i see it and i shriek, horror-movie-style.

but andrea’s pasta was safe and krissy and i filled our burritos creatively. thinking my mushrooms were safe, we ate some of them too, only to notice putting them away that the other ‘shrooms looked trippy. we felt it later, after we bid off-to-london andrea adieu, but krissy decided to make her nausea so drunk it’d forget its designs and i just bought a diet coke. we met anne and set off walking, searching for a playground. instead we ended up by the statue of the lille mermaid transforming, wandering o’er the ramparts, watching sheep be weird, until a man in army fatigues requested politely that we take our laughter and explicitness (not to mention open alcohol containers) elsewhere.

when we were buying the beer at the supermarket, the clerk said, “can i see some ID?” for a moment, we stood there, deer-in-headlights, carved-in-stone, hearts-stopped, the siren of panic filling our ears. then he said, “just kidding.” sometimes i love europe after all.

two field studies in a row today left me drained, achy, and desperate to be where i now am, hugging a computer with one arm and a diet coke with the other. the first one was at kua, which it turns out is only a ten-minute walk from my dorm. not knowing that, of course, i took a bus to central station and another back to the university. once back at the university i was like, “hey, wait a minute — i know that building –” yeah. jeg er slow.

the study itself was really interesting. a norse philologist showed us well-kept icelandic manuscripts, some of them nearly a thousand years old. they’re handwritten on dried calfskin: the recipe, as it were, calling for roughly one calf per eight pages.

and then i walked home, orienteering towards a familiar windy church steeple.

my next field study was less enthralling. a very thoughtful christiania resident took us around the hippie haven, pausing for long intervals while we stood there, fidgeting. he didn’t say much that i didn’t already know, except to outline the details of the free state’s economic structure and make it clear that none of the revenue is derived from the hash market. apparenly that takes in about $100 million per year; you’d never know it from the scruffy vendors. “they drive home from here in their mercedes,” he said, shrugging with disdain.

heather emailed me from across the computer lab saying, “i thought i could hear you laughing” [at krissy, who just got pictures of our hair-chopping extravaganza back.] nice to know i’m recognizable, i suppose.

the ASSassins thing is hilarious. people have thrown themselves into it with typical, neurotic, competitive, overachieving swattie flair. can you tell how jealous i am? i missed it first semester too, for reasons that elude me at the moment. eliz vs. becca is the best match anyone could devise. i won’t begin to guess who’ll win. rebecca’s coldblooded and merciless; then again, eliz’s babbling panic is likely just a devious front for the same.

there’s a friend of my suitemate’s who calls from time to time (usually late at night/early morning), and, apologizing madly, asks me to do things for her. mostly leave messages for my sleeping suitemate, tho once it was to meet her downstairs to open a door for her. last nite it was to give her a 7 a.m. wakeup call. i can’t say no to her; i barely know her; and anyway somehow it’s too funny. so i woke up at 7, called her with a chipper good morning, and having lots of time after getting ready, took the elevator downstairs to find out my housing fate, chanting quietly, “dana dana dana. it’ll be dana, it’ll be dana. it’ll be fine. it’ll be dana.”

lo and behold, it was (is.) brig and i are sharing an outside double on dana 3rd. the building is the twin of the one where i lived freshman year. it has a rep for being quiet but considering the swarm of us taking it over (sarah c., sorelle, eliz, brig, me …) i’m sure we’ll make short work of that.

despite this morning’s viewing of roman polanski’s death and the maiden — the first film in a while i’ve watched most of with my eyes closed — i’m in a much better mental state. nothing changed, of course; nothing does. i just woke up this morning and saw in color, and that was enough for me.