holy mackerel! what happened?
as some of you may have noticed, i changed the layout a little bit. the intent is to increase the resemblance of my words to the words of that inimitable document, the Constitution. cuz maybe there’s a treasure map on the back that i can read with the aid of a hairdryer and some lemon juice! you never know.
who can tell me the difference between the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence anyway? i doodled through american history in high skool. my majoring in it in college didn’t help, since in college they don’t so much teach you history as teach you why the history you learned in high skool was racist, sexist, classist, and so not as cool as the postmodern theory they’re about to replace it with. i accepted that all previous history i’d learned was fatally flawed — easy enough since i doodled instead of learning it in the first place — but i started doodling again at the mention of theory. it’s lucky i didn’t actually have to demonstrate any knowledge to get that diploma.
wait, that’s not true: i had to pass a written and an oral honors exam with an expert in the field. i did pass, too, as i recall. huh. how about that.
one anecdote: this afternoon at the health food store, the painfully-indie-and-cute young woman working the register SHAMED me out of buying a luna bar. she said, and i quote, “that has sugar in it,” as though that meant “vampire spit and elephant feces and the blood of your children.” i was about to tell her to mind her own insulin and just take my money, but starry-eyed ben had already leapt over the counter and started making out with her. over their slurping, i apologized for even thinking of eating a luna bar and to redeem myself packed handfulls of raw quinoa into my mouth.