garcon
here i am, again. waiting.
when ben got into nyu, my father praised him for being a good waiter.
i’m usually a good waiter. i always bring a book or my notebook with me, so if people are late (people are always late) i can read or write. but i’m too wound up to read.
here i am writing though. that’s something.
when i got back to my room on friday, still in the throes of my 4-day emotional future-related meltdown, i found that The Company I Really Want to Work For had called and left me a message requesting an interview.
The Company had called around noon. i had gotten the message around 4:30. i called them back, just in case, and a secretary told me the Woman I Really Want to Work For would call me back right away.
i waited for two hours. (see? i can wait. but i was too wound up to read then either.)
i called this morning. the Woman is in a meeting. (a different) secretary said she’d call me back.
waiting again. i’ve never had the experience of being on a wait-list. my life has been very Yes or No, and often enough it’s been Yes to make me worried that the Nos are choosing this moment to assert themselves.
here are some savage quotes to tide us over:
- it’s fun to speak at a college i couldn’t get into with a crowbar
- nowadays marriage is whatever 2 straight people say it is
- it’s psychotic of this country to give us a kid and not a marriage license
- you can’t queer the nuclear family. the nuclear family will straighten you out.
- it’s hot in here. let’s make it a strip lecture! … instead of picturing the audience naked, i’m picturing me naked. it’s not working.
- parenting trumps gayness
- the measure of a community’s health is not the ability of all its members to get laid every 20 minutes
- none of my actual brothers ever gave me an STD or a rope burn
- a gay health agency is like a unicorn — i’d love to see one
- female sexual reserve exists. it acts as a check on male licentiousness. gay men need to find that check within themselves
- straight people should have more sex than they do and gay people should have less sex than they can
- i don’t hate myself for being gay. i hate dumb gay people for being gay.
- the 1948 version of the patriot act was about lesbians
- if you’re not a gay quadriplegic with a born-again christian mother in your room every day, i have no sympathy for you
- i’m going to have my wedding reception in Red Lobster just to see the thunderbolts
- lesbians who want to have a kid just need to find a guy who wants to have an orgasm. & that’s easy, especially a guy who wants to have an orgasm in a lesbian. gay men need power and privilege to have a child.
- when you make a generalization about 5 billion people, there are bound to be 10 million exceptions. and the odds are that the exceptions are at a liberal arts college.
- my column will be pried from my cold dead hands the way ann landers’ was pried from hers