i feel very reactive, like i’m not taking much initiative myself, a little like i’m drifting. it’s not a depressive feeling exactly, but it’s not too cheerful either. …
the sclp meeting was pretty productive. once more everyone dressed alike (solid, noncontroversial colors). everyone super-nice and super-friendly. meeting over, i trudge home. barnmates elsewhere.
talked to phillyben earlier. turns out he was “jamal” and “jeffords.” sign of how far we’ve drifted: once i would have known that immediately. prank phone calls, for god’s sake. who else would it be? he’s doing fine. i like talking to him, i get to be obscene and vulgar and loud. it’s cathartic. he’s reserved my next week’s movie.
pennbecca and i have tentative plans for dinner thursday. maybe i’ll just go to the city and stay there for awhile. actually that sounds really appealing.
shit i recognize this. this is the everything-feels-like-a-cumbersome-wooden-object feeling, either blocking yr path or lodged between your spine and your skin. this is the moving-slowed-thinking-tapered-off feeling. but why … ?