Boo!
An evil restaurant poisoned me almost a week ago. My recovery’s been pretty rocky. The best part is I keep getting more information as to the things I can’t eat. The list now consists of:
– caffeine
– alcohol
– fruit
– vegetables
– dairy
– anything sugary
– anything spicy
– fiber
– fat
At one point, I interrupted the nurse to tell her, “I’m a vegetarian, and I’m swiftly running out of food.” Seriously, how many meals of simple carbs can one person eat?
To the list I have to add — after some disasterous experimentation — Excedrin. I tried taking some for a headache brought on by not drinking caffeine; my stomach exploded. Apparently stomachs don’t like aspirin when they’re feeling sensitive.
Not all is lost. Though I did end up staying home today, coddling my stomach, trying to woo it back with saltines, soup, and bland pad thai, I broke the 300 barrier on my book. I am officially on page 302. At what point the head of Knopf will call me, begging to sign me to a three-book deal and a six-figure advance, I can only guess. And I’ve been reading Freakonomics, a nice follow up to The Tipping Point, which I finished last weekend. Both are pretty easily digestible, the vegetable udon of social science books. Still, I hardly read any nonfiction except for the news; doing so feels like something of an accomplishment. Take THAT, gender stereotypes!
Oh, and speaking of stereotypes — and some serious dumbquattery — did you happen to see this study showing that short people are less smart than tall people? I could actually discuss the flaws in the reasoning — like to say, for example, that the [taller than average] people running the study didn’t discuss whether, since people on average are taller than they used to be, we’re smarter than we used to be — but I’d rather just say that the findings are clearly impossible because everyone knows jews are not, on average, tall.
Dumbquat is my new favorite word, coined in honor of a fuckwit who broke my friend’s heart. But it may be applied liberally.