It’s time for an important news bulletin, from my mother:

“Lest history be denied this extraordinary news, please be informed that Paul L. B___ [pictured, left, with two of his three children, including the blogger — ed.] won the DC Metropolitan Award for dancing in the newcomer category this past weekend at the Sheraton Premiere Hotel at Tyson’s Corner, Virginia.

The event was attended by about 450 people and for the first time since birth, Mr. B____ was struck dumb when his name was announced. His instructor, the lovely young Daniela Garau, graciously escorted Mr. B____ from his seat to the judge’s stand where he accepted his award with obvious pleasure. Unfortunately, Mr. B____, usually a man of many words, was not afforded the opportunity to make a speech and therefore he was unable to thank his instructor, his wife and his mother-in-law publicly as no doubt he would have done.

When interviewed casually on Sunday morning about his achievements from the night before, Mr. B____ proclaimed himself “triumphant.” If he cannot wear the plaque comfortably around his neck, Mr. B____ may have it mounted on the front door of his luxury apartment in Chevy Chase, Maryland. Mr. B____ was confident that the Washington Post would announce the award today in the Style section. Mr. B____ will be accepting congratulations by telephone at [redacted].”

Three cheers for B____!