resolved
– to replace the battery in my computer (which is dead)
– to replace the battery in my phone (which is near dead)
– to go to the dentist (it won’t kill me)
– to go to a therapist and deal with my anxiety so that it doesn’t kill me
– to go to yoga, to help deal with both my regular anxiety and the anxiety that surrounds Actually Going to Therapy
phew! further:
– to revise Part 3 of my book so that more readers are satisfied with it. er, i mean, so that >i’m< more satisfied with it
– to start sending the book out
– to be in good emotional shape for the wedding
– to actively look forward to the wedding, if for no other reason than because it’s an excuse to import friends from all over the country and put them in one room and say, “eat! dance! look at my dress!” and also kiss ben in public and have people clap.
– to feel more like an adult. i do believe it’s possible. if i were living 150 years ago, i’d be married with 3 children by now and suffering from consumption. i can do my own taxes, okay? i pay my own rent, i take pills, i use tampons, i light matches, i clean bathrooms and dishes, i take out the trash, i read newspapers and listen to npr. i read Salon.com, for christ’s sake!
more like an adult, ester. you can do it.
what about the anxiety that surrounds going to yoga? that’s a major source of stress to me, so much so that i’ve never been able to go to yoga.
yes, that’s true. & ironic! but perhaps attacking my general anxiety will lessen that particular anxiety — at least enough that i’ll able to go.
if this helps, i used to picture people in yoga class trying to poop in whatever weird posture. somehow even if they were really good this would crack me up and dis-intimidate me. pooping is always funny!