esterbloom.com

“For where?” “For BEAR”

Three cheers for Pooh!
For who?
For Pooh!
Well, what did he do?
I thought you knew …

He made law review!

Yayyyyyyy! Not an easy feat, that.

What have I done, you ask? Well … I got my hair cut, a bit like Miranda July’s, only she’s cuter than I am. Also my hair, though redder than hers, has gotten less curly over the past few years.

I dragged a couple folks out to Coney Island because I’d never been during the season. (I just went once, alone, one deserted winter afternon, to walk poetically along the water.) Let me tell you: it’s pretty different. And by different I mean “loud, dirty, and not at all like the mental picture I had from social history classes of prim, well-dressed young couples courting nervously and enjoying their newfound public freedom.” Although of course even that vision was romantic: Coney Island was from the beginning pretty much as seedy as it is now.

But we shelled out the absurd amounts of cash required of us and had fun. We rode the famous cyclone and the wonder wheel and sat on the beach for a bit and watched paddle boats paddle by. We also ate perhaps the best pizza to be found in all five burroughs, hidden though it is along a stretch of dilapidated houses, dotted with young Russian hussies in platforms, miniskirts, and tops that read “REAL BOOBS.” I need me one of those: that way, the many men who like to begin conversations with me based on my t-shirts will be able to cut right to the chase.

I can’t say I’ve accomplished much, which makes me a little gloomy. Sienna Miller is my age and look what she’s done already! I have no children, no nanny, no fiancee, no scandal to try to ignore in favor of my career … no career even, and the NYPost couldn’t be paid to care even if I had. At this rate, I seriously fear I’ll never catch up.