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like FIFTY femme points!

it’s been a while since i accumulated femme points. moving to a new city, adjusting to a new job, cooking in bulk, taking long walks … none of these activities lend themselves well to the enterprise. well, except the rare occasion when my boss asks me to fetch him coffee. even that is only a palty two or three femme points. more when the coffee includes cream, or a preassembled bagel with cream cheese.

but today! today i went to the dirty-place doctor. not femme-y in and of itself, although they did dress me up in a peppermint pink gown and keep me waiting for a while. i giggled to myself, feeling femmer than i had in a while, tossing my hair for effect and thinking about boys and shoes.

then a nurse came in and pointed to the scale.

my blood pressure skyrocketed (+3 femme points, right away). that’s been my response to scales ever since i moved out of my weight-obsessed high skool phase and stopped weighing myself first thing each morning. i never developed a mature relationship with scales: i went from kowtowing and living in fear of their power to pretending i was past it and living in repressed fear of their power.
do i really have to? i asked the nurse, trying to sound cool, joking, unflustered and succeeding in sounding exactly like a panicked fifteen year old. +7 femme points. yes, said the nurse, unswayed.

i walked onto the scale like it was the plank and i was about to be forced into the water without even captain jack sparrow for company. before i could drown in my own anxiety, however, the nurse muttered the numbers to herself and i returned to reality with a start. i double-checked for myself and indeed it was true: somehow, without trying, i was back to my high skool weight. my peak-of-weight-obsession high skool weight! without a single angsty poem, draconian dietary restriction, or transition to all black clothing! i was so stunned i barely felt the dirty place exam.

this is our last weekend in this apartment. next week we move, mr. ben and i. i will miss the village but i will love my new peace of mind more.