seen
EXT – UPENN SEPTA STATION – DAY
Two college seniors sit side by side on a red bench waiting for a train. SD, tall and lanky, carries one bag. ES, shorter and not-so-lanky, carries three. both look shaken.
ES
well.SD
yeah. that … was pretty awful.ES
i think the worst part was when he made the class hate you for actually having done the assignment.SD
or how ’bout when he made fun of you for being vegetarian?ES
do you want a drink?SD
do you have one?
from one bag, Es withdraws a statuesque bottle of WHITE CHOCOLATE GODIVA LIQUEUR. from another bag she withdraws TWO PLASTIC SHOTGLASSES.
ES
do you see any cops?SD
the conductor …
Es and S.D. hang their heads as the CONDUCTOR passes by, bellowing for a station stop. once she’s gone, Es pours out two shots.
ES
to the most disappointing class ever.SD
hear hear.
both drink.
ES
i think i’m going to need another.
S.D. extends his empty cup. Es pours liberally.
now here’s where it gets fun! reader, choose your ending:
a) out of nowhere a police officer appears. he reads Es and S.D. the riot act on having open bottles of alcohol in public. fortunately he’s convinced by their chagrin and apologies and lets them off with a warning — but not before Es and S.D. miss their train and have to covertly drink more while waiting for the next
b) out of nowhere the despised professor appears, begging their pardon for having wasted their time over 4 weeks worth of classes, for pretending to be funny, for the racist cosby joke, for making Es say to the entire class of UPenn students, “i didn’t date in high skool,” & for insulting the semi-colon. unswayed by the apologies, Es hits him upside the head with the bottle of WHITE CHOCOLATE GODIVA LIQUEUR.
c) out of nowhere jesus appears. be patient, jesus counsels. bide your time. bite your tongues. believe me, in the next world, we have a special place for people who pretend to be funny, and a corner roped off for those who make racist cosby jokes.
d) none of the above. but the godiva was damn good.