here’s a meme: google the people you’ve kissed in your lifetime and see what comes up.
#1 — appears only in the “last will and testament” of my highskool’s class of 1999, the class one year older than we were. xxx is first on the list of things given to a girl who actually, at one point, dated my older brother. if the school hadn’t discontinued the tradition immediately thereafter, xxx probably would have been on the list of things given to me too.
#2 — appears in a review of a play he was in at yale: “For all his talk about death, Harold Ryan (xxxx xxxxx) tries his best to kill the show. Yolen�s direction no doubt encouraged xxxxx to take Ryan over-the-top, and rightly so, but unfortunately xxxxx decided to shout most of his lines. xxxxx does well when he quiets down but does so too infrequently to create a character worth watching. Without any compassion for xxxxx’s shifty-eyed killing machine, the heart of Vonnegut�s play is lost.”
my god, if he’d been a shifty-eyed killing machine when we dated, i woulda let him kiss me with tongue.
ps: now he’s gay.
#3 — last i heard, xxx had gotten fat and religious. fittingly, he appears on the internet only in the form of a boring, bloated d’var torah he got published.
#4 — no mention. an internet void. considering the xxxxx-shaped void in my life, it seems appropriate.
#5 — appears as a kosher cook and on a frank cho webpage, having submitted an excellent entry in a contest. someone on a message board responds, “wow!! xxxxxxxx is awesome!” of course, i recognize the someone — she’s a mutual friend — but that makes the compliment no less true.
#6 — don’t remember his last name, can’t google him. i mean, i only knew the guy several hours.
#7 — the most infamous. in this swattie’s journal entry, he plays an equally infamous historical character: “I had on more than scarves, I was clad as Salom�, dancing to Alan Hovhaness’ The Rubaiyat, while xxxxx xxxx (Herod) watched. After the entire fucking Big Room of Sharples was watching for a minute or so (“take it off!”), he raised his voice, and said, “I am well pleased. You may have anything you like, up to half my kingdom.” I had to ask for the head of John the Baptist.”
when i tried another innocuous-looking link, a series of porn pages popped up and took over my computer. i am now officially freaking out because there are two windows that i cannot manage to close. argrgrhghhghhhhhhh. now i’ll have to clear the history.
#8 — a very common name, it seems. actually two of ross’s pages pop up. the boy’s only distinctive mention.
#9 — he won a debate award. good for him.
#10 — ah ben, the b. loved. for now, at least, the buck stops here.